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WASHINGTON, DC //PRNS// — The White House will finally have an actual “adviser.” Eric Francis, horoscope writer for the New York Daily News, the Vashon Loop and Guitar Pedal Aficionado, has been tapped by Donald Trump to serve as the official presidential astrologer.
“I didn’t even know they had one of those,” Mr. Francis said. “When I got ‘the call’, I thought it was a wrong number.”
“But then I thought, this is gonna be good,” he added. “I promise to only ever give them the best advice.”
First held by Benjamin Franklin, the position does not require approval by the Senate.
The call, on Sunday, came from John Kelly, the White House chief of staff, who said that he could “expect a tweet.” But was this all some kind of an April Fool’s joke?
Mr. Francis said that a White House personnel office staff member asked if he could “tell fortunes or whatever it is that you do” other ways than astrology. They confirmed that he could read tea leaves for Kellyanne Conway, “who loves this shit,” as well as read dice for Donald Trump, Jr., playing cards for Jared Kushner, and poker chips for the president himself.
Mr. Francis said that a reader of his column had recently sent him an entire poker set, and he’d been practicing with those very methods.
For Ivanka Trump, he will use “scrying,” which involves divining by the use of streaks of smoke applied to a mirror with the flame from a candle.
John Kelly, the chief of staff, said he would stick to astrology “because it’s more mathematical and scientific.”
When Betsy DeVos comes around, he will read her the alphabet.
Mr. Francis will work in a West Wing 2nd floor lounge, which has a couch and a coffee table. He ‘ll record his readings on a Zoom H6n digital recorder, which will be left on most of the time.
A spokesperson for Mr. Francis, Carol van Strum, said, “Eric has had an interesting career since he stopped covering Monsanto full time. In a bizarre way, this fits the scenario perfectly. I just don’t think they know he’s a journalist. Maybe they won’t figure it out.”
Jim Rich, the new editor in chief of the New York Daily News, who was previously editor in chief of the Huffington Post, and prior to that, the New York Daily News, said he was happy to have Mr. Francis take the new role because “now we can finally get someone onto Fox. The New York Post has been getting all the love.”
“The United States is coming up to its Pluto return,” Mr. Francis said on Sunday’s edition of Meet The Press. “I mean, everything we’re seeing is part of it. Plus right now there’s enough Eris in the United States chart to splatter a coconut. It will be a privilege to serve my country.”