Who is closest to the truth, those wacky medieval prognosticators who lure their clients into giving up control of their lives, or the enlightened, erudite scholars of outer space? This question will finally be settled in the 27-campus Battle of the Stars, featuring Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Eric Francis Coppolino.
Science News Service LONDON — A new study published today in The Lancet, the leading British medical journal, has found that smokers outlive nonsmokers — by nearly five years on average. The study’s findings were so unusual that even cigarette manufacturers were skeptical even though the study seems to be Read more…
PHOENIX, AZ (AP) — In an emergency session Saturday night, the state legislature adopted a new law requiring men to obtain medical approval prior to ejaculation. All men would need to collect the signatures of two doctors prior to ejaculating, demonstrating that there is a “reproductive necessity” to the event Read more…
VATICAN CITY, ITALY (Associated Press) — Pope Francis today took the unprecedented step of canonizing a fictional character: Gollum, the twisted, distorted former hobbit from The Lord of the Rings, who betrayed Frodo Baggins many times before ultimately leading him to the cracks of doom so that he could fulfill Read more…
By Morton Silverstein The Catholic Science Monitor Just weeks after taking office as the 266th pope, Jorge Mario Bergoglio — now Pope Francis — has established his reputation as the “party pope.” He’s traded his red Prada shoes for red high-top Converse, evidence that this is a church on the Read more…
In his first news conference since his heart was replaced one week ago, former Vice President Dick Cheney announced Saturday that he regretted his “extensive” role in the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 — and the subsequent coverup. Former Vice President Dick Cheney said that “knowing the truth would be Read more…
Some people think this is gross. People have been eating meat for years — perhaps even centuries. But along the magnificent shores of the pristine Rhind River here in progressive Germany, I came across an intentional community dedicated to supporting the meaten lifestyle — in which the participants eat no Read more…
By Dr. ENRICO FRANCISCO, Ph.D. EVERYBODY has their lucky day, and Woodstocker Judy Glib-Middlestein-Walsh- Frankfurt is still waiting for hers. Judy, a long-time resident of Dakota Lane in the cozy part of town, originally thought she was born a Sagittarius, but news reports from England issued two years ago led Read more…
As pundits discuss how exactly United States Special Forces determined the location of Osama bin Laden, Planet Waves has learned that the data was found in WikiLeaks. “Yep, I was just messing around in Google. I typed in, ‘Where the fuck is bin Laden?’ and clicked I’m Feeling Lucky. I Read more…
The Mouse represents the controversial new 13th sign of the Chinese Zodiac. This has some Tigers worried, but Dragons don’t seem to care. All your life you thought you were born the Chinese Year of the Tiger — suggesting you’re charming, well liked, not seeking money or power, and craving Read more…